Please Do Not Confuse Performance With Self-Esteem!!
Please Note that whilst this article was written initially for students and parents, the same principles apply to us all.
If you are a student, please remember that, whilst exam results are very important and getting the results you want will make a difference , your value as a human being is neither increased nor diminished by your performance.
Think of someone you love. Will you love them less if they perform badly, or more if they perform well? People who really care about you will value you just as much if you fail as if you succeed. Of course they want you to succeed, and they may well be disappointed if you don’t – just as you would be – but they care about you and value you just as much either way.
Do you think that’s obvious? Or do you find it hard to believe?
Some students and others feel devastated when they do not achieve their goals. They confuse self-worth with performance , so they feel worthless if they do not perform well. They may even become seriously depressed and in some rare cases suicidal if they do not get the results they’re after.
Even professionals sometimes confuse self-worth with performance. Some people talk of helping others perform better as a means of building their self-esteem. Whilst of course it’s valuable to help someone improve their performance, please do not confuse this with building self-esteem.
A person with healthy self-esteem still feels disappointed when they fail and pleased when they succeed, but these feelings do not take over their lives. They feel pleased or disappointed, but they still value themselves and feel worthy of love and respect regardless of their performance.
If you are a parent and have offered your son or daughter a reward for getting desired results, would you consider rewarding them unconditionally, just because you love them?
Call me rather than emailing if you have any questions or comments, as I prefer to communicate by phone or in person.
Thank you.
Regards
Donald
Ph: 02 9413 9794
Mob:0412 178 234