Wars – Terrorist Attacks – Anxiety and Depression – Mass Shootings – Domestic Violence – Relationship Breakdowns
In the latter part of this article, I describe two very simple exercises, well known to many psychotherapists, that could transform the way we relate and communicate. And in my article on “Dealing With Your Emotions”, I explain why I believe these methods are not more widely used .
It’s good to remind ourselves not to see and relate to people – children and adults – through the filter of a label, however correct we may think the label is.
Some time ago I had the opportunity of working with a woman in her late 20s. She was diagnosed as chronically depressed, and stuck in a junior position in her company because they said she was a slow learner with poor communication skills and no good at working in a team.
What do YOU mean by anxiety?
We all know what anxiety feels like, and because it is so common, we tend to assume that everyone knows what we mean when we say we’re feeling anxious. As everyone is different, however, what anxiety feels like to me may be very different from what it feels like to you.
This makes it difficult – perhaps even dangerous – to give your help or advice without having a detailed knowledge and understanding of precisely what you are feeling and going through.
To learn the language of emotions, we need to understand that emotions are not logical, and cannot be communicated meaningfully in logical terms alone.
You can tell someone “I feel down” or “I feel great” in three simple words. Telling them exactly how and why can be far more challenging, especially when you might not even know yourself.
Here is an interesting question. Does a person’s anxiety, depression or other distressing feeling indicate that they are mentally ill, or absolutely normal?
Different schools of thought will give you different answers. In core development terms, however, anxiety, depression and other signs of emotional distress often indicate that your sense of self is healthy enough to produce these symptoms of a deeper, often hidden emotional conflict.
Whilst Counselling and Psychotherapy are sometimes seen as ways of helping people adjust to society, and whilst this is what some people may want and some counsellors and psychotherapists may provide, this is not what I do. I do not measure a person’s mental health by how well adjusted they are to society.
As a teenager, I was diagnosed clinically depressive and for several years I was prescribed ever-increasing dosages of anti-depressant drugs.
Eventually I moved to London where I discovered forms of therapy – mainly Biodynamic Psychotherapy and Biosynthesis ( both methods of somatic psychotherapy) – that enabled me to come completely off the drugs within a few months, and I have never taken an anti-depressant again.
Donald Marmara grew up in Malta where he gradually became aware of the extent of his own and others’ emotional and psychological wounding, and how deeply this affected our wellbeing and the way we treat ourselves and each other.
Donald then moved to London and spent several years in therapy, healing his own wounding and training with some of the leading pioneers in Somatic Psychotherapy, Developmental Psychology and Structural Dynamics in Europe & America.
