Changing Perspectives : Beyond Winning And Losing

“Winning is a loser’s game!”

How do you respond to the statement above?

Do you find yourself agreeing or disagreeing right away?  Or do you stop to think about it?

What is your feeling response?  Are you surprised, irritated, amused, pleased?

What is your bodily response?  Do you sigh?  Do you nod or shake your head?

What happens to your facial expression?  What is your tone of voice when you talk about it?

How well do you know yourself?

Psychologists tell us that 70- 90% of our communication is through body language and tone of voice.

Are you aware of what you are communicating and of what is being communicated to you?  Or are you satisfied, indeed, with spending all your time and attention on just 10 – 30% of what is being communicated?

Is it surprising that we have such major communication problems despite our incredibly sophisticated technology?

Why bother to get to know yourself better?

“To be a healthy human being you need to listen to your head and your heart.”  Rob Ferguson, Director, Bankers Trust Australia

“If you were born in the last fifty years you have ten times as much chance of being seriously depressed as you would if you were born in the fifty years before that.”  Martin Seligman, Psychologist, (1992)

Beyond Winning and Losing

The Game Of Experiencing

Robert Fritz, author of ‘Creating’, calls it changing from the ‘performance mode’ to the ‘learning mode’.  He asks, “how can we learn anything new when we’re afraid of failure?”

Margot Cairns, author of the excellent book ‘Approaching the Corporate Heart’, talks of changing from the outdated ‘warrior’ model to a much more functional model.

“For so many people nowadays,” Margot says, “life is a battle.  How often do we hear or perhaps even think – ‘you don’t get anywhere unless you fight for it?’.  Times, however, are changing, and with that change the warrior myth is becoming outdated and irrelevant.”

As long as we perceive life through the perspective of winning and losing, we shall continue to decline psychologically and spiritually.

We are stuck in perceiving life in terms of a perception that creates the very problems we are trying to solve.  All our attempts at progress are doomed because our very assumptions keep us running around in circles.

Core Development helps you understand how your life really works. Developed from his life experience and training by Sydney Psychotherapist Donald Marmara, Core Development enables you to make the transition from the ‘winning and losing’ model to the ‘experiencing and learning’ model.

In the ‘experiencing and learning’ model there are no winners or losers there are just human beings working together to create the best possible lives for themselves and others.

Outcomes previously viewed as ‘successes’ or ‘failures’ are viewed, instead, as valuable information that will help us improve our performance, health, vitality and well-being.  Everything we experience enriches our lives – the words winning and losing gradually drop from our vocabularies.

In case you think this is idealistic – whether it is or not, it works.  The warrior model had its uses in the past, but it is no longer relevant.  If we truly want to enrich our lives and businesses, we clearly need to take off our blinkers and expand our horizons.

The founder of the Japanese internal martial art, Aikido, was once asked, “How do you respond when your opponent makes a certain move?”

He replied:

If you still think that you have an opponent, you have not understood the spirit of Aikido.

That is why Core Development does not attempt to push you to achieve more.  It works to help you discover the underlying forces in play, and to make changes at ‘core’ level so that creating what truly matters to you comes naturally and easily.

Core Development is a transformational process that draws on various sources to enable you to design your life in your own unique way.


Donald Marmara currently resides and practices in Sydney, and is available for individual sessions (face-to-face and phone), couples sessions teenagers and parents ( separately and together), and facilitating training programs and workshops.

He can be contacted on 02 9413 9794 or 0412 178 234