by Donald Marmara, Somatic Psychotherapist and Educator, Artarmon, Sydney, Australia
PLEASE DO NOT CONFUSE PERFORMANCE WITH SELF ESTEEM
It’s Examination Time Again!!
BEST WISHES TO ALL STUDENTS DOING THEIR HSC
Although this was written primarily for students, it applies to us all.
If you are a student, please remember that, although exam results are important and getting the results you want will make a difference, your value as a human being is neither increased nor diminished by your performance.
Think of someone you love. Will you love them less if they perform badly, or more if they perform well?
Some students and others feel devastated when they do not achieve their goals. They confuse self-worth with performance , so they feel worthless if they do not perform well. They may even become seriously depressed and in some rare cases suicidal if they do not get the results they’re after.
Even professionals sometimes confuse self-worth with performance. Some practitioners talk of helping others perform better as a means of building their self-esteem. Although of course it’s valuable to help someone improve their performance, please do not confuse this with building self-esteem.
A person with healthy self-esteem still feels disappointed when they fail and pleased when they succeed, but these feelings do not take over their lives. They feel pleased or disappointed, but they still value themselves and feel worthy of love and respect regardless of their performance.
Their self-esteem is based on who they are not on how well they perform.
People who really care about you will value you just as much if you fail as if you succeed. Of course they want you to succeed, and they may well be disappointed if you don’t – just as you would be – but they care about you and value you just as much either way.
If you are a parent and have offered your son or daughter a reward for getting desired results, would you consider rewarding them unconditionally, just because you love them?
I wish you all the very best.
Donald Marmara
Counsellor|Educator
Somatic Psychotherapist
Mob: 0412 178 234 Email: donald@coredevelopment.com.au
Donald Marmara created Core Development , a learning process which acknowledges the unity and inter-relationships of mind, body, emotions and spirit.
It draws on the principles and understanding of somatic psychotherapy, structural dynamics, and Donald’s own personal therapy, professional training and life experience.
Core development adopts a flexible approach, recognising that what works for one person may not work for another.
Donald currently resides and practices in Sydney, and is available for individual sessions, couples sessions, counselling teenagers and parents, and facilitating training programs and workshops. He is also available for Zoom and phone sessions worldwide.
He can be contacted on 0412 178 234.